For years, I struggled with opening up about my challenges. When it came to talking to friends—especially the guys—it just didn’t feel natural to admit that I was feeling low or going through something tough.
Sharing my struggles with family felt even more out of reach. Instead, I found it much easier to smile, say “yeah, I’m good,” and move on with the conversation, hoping they wouldn’t dig any deeper.
But the truth was, I was far from good.
Why It Feels Safer to Keep it In
Part of why I kept things bottled up was the fear of what might happen if I actually said, “No, I’m not okay.” I worried that saying I was struggling would either bring a flood of unsolicited “solutions” or, even worse, an awkward silence from people who didn’t know what to say.
Have you ever thought how would your parents react if you turned around and said I dont understand this please can I get extra help, especially when you have been painted as the golden child.
Can you imagine the look on your best friends face when you admit to them that you are broken.
It felt safer for everyone if I just kept it in and just stay quiet, even when it came to things like breakups or feeling totally lost.
And because no one else really spoke about their challenges it began to feel “normal” to hold it all in. The stereotypes we’re fed from an early age don’t help, either—the ones that say asking for help makes you weak, or that a “strong” person handles their issues alone. The false narratives that get thrown around paint a toxic picture.
I started to believe this, telling myself to just push through on my own. I didn’t realize that by consistently staying quiet, I was conditioning myself to hide my struggles, no matter how heavy they got.
The Long-Term Impact of Bottling Up Emotions
The longer I stayed silent, the more I noticed it affecting different areas of my life. It wasn’t just about avoiding tough conversations—it became a habit that impacted my ability to connect, trust, and be honest, both with others and myself.
Here are some of the ways bottling things up held me back:
Not asking for help as a kid: Growing up, I rarely asked for help. I’d convince myself I could handle things, even when I was clearly struggling. This became a pattern that followed me into adulthood. Subsequently my studies took a hit. Predicted grades weren't met and albeit I still found my way to university, the route originally planned wasn't taken and the expectations weren't met.
Struggles in relationships: In romantic relationships, I found it difficult to communicate my needs, my boundaries and the challenges I faced around my self love and self worth. I’d assume that sharing what was on my mind would complicate things, so I held back. Over time, this lack of communication caused more strain than if I’d just been honest from the start. People left me and naturally I blamed myself further.
Fear of vulnerability and ego protection: In group settings, I avoided asking questions because I was afraid of being laughed at or looking like I didn’t know what I was doing. My ego convinced me that it was better to keep quiet, even if I didn’t understand, than risk seeming vulnerable.
The Turning Point: Learning to Offload through Coaching
Everything began to change when I jumped into the space of coaching and started to get unfltered around vulnerable around my challenges to date. I didn’t know exactly what to expect, but I knew I was tired of carrying everything alone.
Working with a coach was my first step toward allowing myself to be truly seen, heard, and understood.
In these sessions, I had permission to let my voice flourish. I could talk about whatever was weighing on me without fear of judgment, awkward silences, or unsolicited advice. For the first time, I could open up and get “unfiltered” about everything I’d been bottling up.
It was like finally taking the lid off years of unspoken emotions, and it felt freeing in a way I hadn’t imagined.
Coach after coach, and now dabbling in therapy I can hands down say I don't feel like a burden speaking up about the challenges I face.
I can openly speak to my closed love ones, I can share with friends in my circle and use the resources available with my therapist and coaches to dive even deeper in a judgemental free space in a private setting.
Coaching taught me:
That vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness: Opening up didn’t make me any less capable; it actually made me stronger and more resilient.
How to express my needs: I learned that communicating what I needed—whether in friendships, family, or relationships—didn’t make me a burden. It allowed others to show up for me in ways I didn’t know were possible.
The power of connection: By letting others in, I gained a deeper sense of trust and closeness with those around me. No more shallow interactions or pretending; I could actually connect with people on a real level.
Why Staying Quiet Holds Us Back
Now, I can see clearly just how much bottling things up held me back. When we refuse to share our struggles, we’re essentially giving our insecurities free reign to grow. Here’s why staying silent can be harmful in the long run:
Self-doubt becomes stronger: When we keep things in, it’s easy to believe that no one would care if we shared. This only reinforces negative self-talk.
We start taking more than we give: In our relationships, staying silent can create an imbalance. We’re always there for others but rarely allow them to be there for us. Over time, this makes relationships feel shallow and unfulfilling.
We miss out on growth opportunities: By keeping everything bottled up, we deny ourselves the chance to get new perspectives, build resilience, and grow.
Choosing to Open Up: Breaking Free from the Burden Belief
Breaking the habit of bottling things up didn’t happen overnight, but it’s one of the best decisions I’ve made. Opening up—whether to a coach, a friend, or family member—has allowed me to unlearn the limiting belief that sharing my struggles is a burden.
Here’s what I discovered:
It’s okay to say you’re not okay: We don’t have to carry everything alone, and saying “I’m struggling” doesn’t make us weak. It makes us human.
Connection starts with honesty: Being open and vulnerable is what creates real relationships. We connect deeply when we allow others to see us fully, even the parts we’re tempted to hide.
Seeking help is empowering: Asking for support isn’t about giving up control; it’s about empowering ourselves with new tools, perspectives, and understanding.
Final Thoughts: Breaking Free and Finding Your Voice
If you’ve been telling yourself that your struggles are yours to bear alone, or that opening up makes you a burden, know that I understand where you’re coming from. I used to believe the same thing. But choosing to get “unfltered” and share what was on my mind allowed me to experience a kind of freedom and growth I hadn’t thought possible.
You don’t have to do it all on your own. Whether you’re dealing with a breakup, feeling lost, or just tired of carrying the weight by yourself, there’s strength in reaching out. If you’re ready to break the silence, why dont you book a call with me using the link below and lets start to remove that weight thats holding you down.
Take that first step—you might be surprised by just how powerful it feels to finally let go.
Commentaires