I genuinely feel we live in a society where making our parents and wider communities proud is all we want to do. We want to see them smiling. We want them to cheer our name. We want them to fall asleep knowing that we are doing so well in life!

It’s the be all and end all if you’ve grown up in an environment where your parents just wanted to make your grandparents proud, and now that burden has been placed onto you.

So for every individual who is in this boat I bet like me you feel immense pressure.
Pressure to deliver. Pressure to be avaialble. Pressure to soldier through. And what happens when you fall short? This indivudal now feels that they aren’t enough. They've let them down. They are no longer worth of that love.
Not getting the grades. Not getting the ideal job. Still single in these streets. Struggling to conceive. Putting on weight. Whatever it is, you just feel like a disappointment.
Bottom line is no child wants to be a disappointment. And the sad reality is no parent wants this for their child.
Yet these inner limiting beliefs and feelings still exist. There are also some inner vows which these children have committed too which work in a manner where it strips away any feeling of happiness or fulfilment because now we're playing the game to just keep them proud. We've forgotten the lesson of whats right for us.

There are sons who are struggling to be providers for their young families financially but won’t speak up because it’s not normal. They cant begin to talk about the stressors they have not being a bread winner. Not having enough to take their families on holidays. Not having enough to keep up with this soul crushing economy with everything just becoming so damn expensive.
And there are sons who struggle to open up about the struggles of being single and facing constant rejection in a world where everyone gets married. These sons are just as insecure as the ones tied down too when it comes down to the financials because they don’t even the career that could suffice being the provider for their future partner.
So what do they all do? Shrug their shoulders as if life is okay. It's weak to talk about your mental health struggles.
They won’t let you know how hard it is to keep up with so many choices available. They’ll throw themselves into the gym to try and get into better shape, or eat their depression behind a games console or with a couple of pints in their hands.
Trying to make their parents proud just seems to difficult.

But let me land further and talk about the daughters who are struggling too.
There are daughters who are stuck in toxic relationships and cant leave due to societal pressures.
Divorce looks bad! What will everyone think? I cant do any better now that I’ve got baggage so I’ll just stay here in the place we called home but feels pretty much like hell.
There are daughters who have worked extremely hard but cant find a partner because he cant keep up financially, he isn’t mature or he just isn’t available emotionally and are single just prodding along watching the time tick on their body clock.
And there are daughters who lack confidence, filled with high doses of insecurity because they don’t look like the instagram models, and are single and in a world with social media forever showcasing a highlight reel, they feel left behind.
Trying to make their parents proud just seems to difficult.
So we have got these sons and daughters who don’t want to disappoint, and subsequently hold a brave face and stay quiet, but feel miserable and suffer in silence. And life continues because we won’t do anything about it. Some of us dont know where to start, and some of us dont feel allowed to make a change.
Here is how I would personally coach you out of these feelings.

Understanding the Pressure
Reflect and journalling here is key especially when it feels like pressures from parents are becoming toxic. It can lead to further anxiety and feelings of inadequacy.
So start to hone into what specifically am I feeling pressured into? Is it a specific area of my life? Where and who does this stem from?
Start to answer the questions to why you parents might be putting this on your shoulders and where that comes from and this gives you a chance to really understand whats on your shoulders right now.
And with this you will be able to identify your feelings attached to this pressure. If there specific situations, comments, or family gatherings that trigger these feelings you can begin to clarify the next steps for you to take.
Reassessing Your Values
This is where we see how this feeling links with your true values. Now that you've given yourself permission to understand the pressure now we can look to answer more tailored questions around your values. Try these out;
What brings you joy? What does success mean to you independently of your parents’ views? Upon reflection how far have you truly come and how does that feel?
This is where I say, keeping a journal can push you to outline your core values and keep them as a visual reminder.
For example, if you value creativity but feel compelled to pursue a career in finance because of your parents’ expectations, recognise this conflict and what this possible 9-5 is doing to you.
Once you highlight these discrepancies, you can start making choices that align more with what you genuinely want, instead of what others want for you. Maybe this is starting to be more creative with your spare time, and that is starting up a side hustle or maybe it's you just being more active in a creative social environment.
This is where the Unfltered Podcast came from!
Remember, self-discovery takes time, so be patient with yourself as you navigate this journey.
Communicating with your parents without actually communicating with them.

Engaging in open communication with your parents off the cuff might feel intimidating, but it is essential. So this is where I say communicate without actually communicating.
Write down the dialogue. Say your point of view first. Write down their response. Go back and forth till you get to a place where all cards are on the table?
Once you've done this maybe its then a case of having that convo in person now, or if it still feels uncomfortable it just tells me you havent got to a place with the dialogue that makes that conversation easy and something you REALLY want to do. So go back to it and when you are ready have that talk.
Set some boundaries and remove expectations.
If you haven't had the talk, then maybe start thinking of establishing boundaries as its crucial for protecting your self-worth. It's not just about rejecting requests; it involves defining what you will accept in discussions about your life choices.
For instance, if your parents insist on a particular career path, it’s important to assertively communicate that you appreciate their concern but will follow your own values. This is where the dialogue above helps.
With this remeber that regardless to what you say, your parents still might not understand or cant beleive they make you feel this way, so remove all expectations prior to this talk. Its important to detach from any outcome you've got in your head.
What were trying to do here is establish your way of being able to be more you with or without their permission. This is all about giving you permission to be your unfltered self.
Cultivate your Self-Worth
So conversation over with. Outcome received. What you do next is now honed in and focussed on you despite what was said.

Your self-worth should stem from within, rather than relying solely on external validation.
Here are some effective strategies I play with time to time to help boost my self worth:
Daily affirmations: Positive affirmations can reshape your self-image. Try statements like "I am capable" or "My choices are valid." Repeating these daily can build your confidence and reinforce your values. Write them down in your journal!
Celebrate small achievements: Recognise your achievements, no matter how small. Each milestone contributes to a larger sense of accomplishment. For instance, if you’ve completed a project at work or learned a new skill, take pride in that success. Write this down in your journal too!
Find supportive like minded communities: Surround yourself with friends, mentors, or groups that uplift your aspirations and values. This network can provide encouragement and reinforcement for your journey.
Engage in self-care: Focus on activities that nourish your body and mind, such as exercise, hobbies, or mindfulness practices. When you care for yourself, you send a strong message to yourself about your worth.
And when that is all said and done...
Start embracing your journey
Ultimately, it is about embracing your unique path. Everyone’s journey is different, and it’s natural for yours to look unlike anyone else’s.
You gotta be patient; because believe me personal growth is rarely linear. Its up, down. curving left and right, but forever moving. So focus on progress rather than perfection and permit yourself to evolve along the way.
Reminder: your self-worth is valid, regardless of conflicts with external expectations. Choosing your own path does not equate to disappointment; it reflects your commitment to authenticity.
Moving Forward

Overcoming the pressure of making your parents proud while safeguarding your self-worth is a complex journey. Balancing tradition, expectation, and self-identity can be challenging, but remember that your true value lies in authenticity.
By reassessing your values, communicating openly, and setting firm boundaries, you can craft a fulfilling life according to your terms. Cultivating self-worth and embracing your journey will free you from the mindset that demands you meet everyone else's expectations.
In the end, living a life you are proud of is the greatest respect you can offer to both yourself and your parents. May we all find the courage to pursue our happiness.
But if this is still something you want to deep dive even further, maybe it’s time you get Unfltered with Pri? Click the link below and book in a coaching experience where I can run you through this process 1:1 in an unfltered judgement free coaching space!
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